Special thanks to a inmate for sharing this tip
When I reflect in my lonely dark cell, I see the light and all my life as a film.
Growing up, I was the victim, was abused physically, mentally, sexually for a long time
I accepted it as normal. I started submitting and enjoying it.
Later on in life, , I start abusing others in the same way.
When I turned 30, the beasts were no longer interested in my beauty, so the beast
within me wanted the beauty in others. I did the very same things to others, and never felt any guilt, no guilt at all.
I felt I have a beast and beauty in me.
I got charged with child molesting, rape and many other charges and got life sentence.
Only option I had to reflect.
I discovered a WILD BEAST AND CORRUPT BEAUTY WITH IN .
FIRST TIME IN LIFE I FELT GUILTY.
Guilt was a great blessing, I felt bad so bad I wished I be dead..
My demons beast and beauty were captive and they hated it but I found peace.
I found GOD and ask for help.
With the help of GOD I was able to tame my beast and I start enjoying worship.
I start repenting and my beast was able to see the beauty with in.
My inner beauty fall into love with the beast with in and transformed into a spiritual being
I fall in love with GOD.
I am with honey moon with GOD.
I never felt the joy ,peace satisfaction I has now.
My flesh is yearning for God, My soul is thirsty for GOD.
I am transformed to a spiritual being and I love it and wish I can relive my
life sin free life
All I can do is to repent worship and pray for everyone. 🙂
Soul is the cargo and human body is a vessel.
When heart mind and body are in stete of worship,
that vessel become soul.
Any human stay in the state of worship 24/7.
GOD become the driver of that spirtual being. and that person will serve the purpose
and live heavenly life
I very successful person told me that he graduated from the best University.
I asked which one and he replied Camp Hill University.
I never heard of that university. I said
Some people call that Camp Hill Prison he replied.
For other it is a prison for me it is a university , I spend 10 years and I reflected
and studied and end learning so much about myself and learned construction.
No one can match my quality and price.
I was not arrested but rescued other wise I would be dead.
Now I love learn and thankful to everyone.
Each human being has primary personality, Pure clean heavenly.
We developed secondary personality, which is mostly leaned personality.
Secondary personality has liking for some and disliking for some.
Primary personality love everyone and every thing, learn from everyone and everything
thankful to everyone and every thing and live heavenly life followed by eternal life.
THE HAPPY AND EVERLASTING BEGINING
Forgiving others are very difficult.
Self reflection becoming self aware of my sins, understanding why I did those sins
learning from my mistakes and promise to myself never to commit those sins is even
more difficult.
Confession is the hardest, incredibly hard, painful to admit my sins and ask for forgiveness.
Forgiving other will be easier if I remember my sins.
Hardest of all to forgive myself and love myself the most knowing all my short comings and ask
others for forgiveness without judging them.
I can do all that if I love myself the most, knowing if I do not , I well be the one suffering the most:)
When I look back I get surprised how much I have learned from my patients.
In true sense they are my heroes.
One patient really stand out.
I was working with OB department and come across this 33
years old pregnant female.
This was her 3rd child, very smart very compliant, no smoke or alcohol,
very concerned always have lot of questions about her child”s well being.
I felt she was stressed and I told her to be happy and peaceful to have a healthy child.
She told me she got married to his brothers best friend.
In fact my brother wanted me to marry him, I loved him so much and I agreed.
It was OK marriage, till my brother died and my husband become more and more abusive.
The harder I tried to please him worse things got.
I was contemplating divorce till I discovered I was pregnant.
He is a great father, but he in the worse possible husband and source of her stress.
I met her husband and 2 kids, nice man and wonderful kids.
I advised her to go back to school and complete her nursing degree , she already
had completed most of her credits that will be good for her and her kids.
I felt she had low self esteem and lack self confidence.
After delivery I lost contact with her.
Around 200 she came to see to my family practice office.
I could not recognize her at first, looked lot older than her stated age.
She told me she completed her nursing degree and working full time
and love her job.
She wanted clonazepam for anxiety whet she was getting from previous PCP who closed his practice.
On further investigation I discovered her marriage is very bad and husband is very abusive.
He is a beast. I jokingly said why not turn into princess and kiss the beast and he will turn into prince .
She got upset, and said you are telling me that it is all my fault.
I apologize and asked if she feels that it is all his fault.
She replied yes.
I said if he is 100% wrong she should feel fine because it is not her fault.
I am not fine I am the victim and suffering and don’t know what to do.
I asked if you two went for counseling. Many times she replied.
But no result . He manipulate in such a way that every body thinks it is all my fault.
I gave her work book and asked to fill in the empty spaces in that book and keep diary for 1 to 2 months.
She came back after 2 months and I was shocked how much work she have done.
She left everything with me to go through.
I could not believe her life story. I admire her honesty and openness.
Co dependency is serious problem.
When I feel I can not depend on myself, I need some one .
If I confront myself, I realize I do not need to depend on no one .
I can be compliment to other and vise versa.
Since than I have not confronted anyone any more.
I am fair with myself and it is easy to treat other the same way.
Life is good.
It is not important who is for or against me,
If I am with GOD , I will heavenly life. 🙂
More I reflect I realized I am cause of most of my own failures.
That is mostly non documented communication with myself.
I have decided not to listen to myself , it must be in writing, and I will make sure response
will be any writing.
All record are available to be investigated 24/7.
and be presented in court if a dispute arises
I have peace with myself. 🙂
Life begin with first heart beat.
before that it was a flesh.
heart start pumping there is no brain no tongue, no lungs
no genitalia.
This is the primary personality. a spitual being.
PURE CLEAN HEART. 🙂
It get nurishment from mom, which may not be 100% pure and spirtual being
start developing secondary personality that is acquired from the surrounding.
Soul is the cargo gift of GOD to each spirtual being and rest of the body is a carrier.
This body is a loaner and my job is to turn my GPS and Destination is GOD. so I can deliver
the cargo ( soul) back to GOD. and live in heaven forever.
Each human has a GPS in their heart all they have to do is to turn on and will have
pleasent peaceful journey and will reach home (HEAVEN) .
Each human has the choice to be spirtual being.
We must not follow no one and ask no one to follow me.
If any one ask directions advise them to turn on their GPS and do not forget to turn on your own GPS.
SEE YOU GUYS IN HEAVEN.
Spirtual being live for ever .
THE NEVER ENDING HAPPINESS AND PEACE.
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